Something about nearing the end of pregnancy is filling my head with increasingly random thoughts. Some of these are what you would expect- wonderments about baby girl's hair color, and whether or not our birthday class instructor actually meant it when she said we should all start toting around puppy pee pads at 34 weeks, to protect whatever vehicle or chair we are sitting in... just in case. Other thoughts, however, are of a more abstract variety.
I recently closed down the Etsy shop in preparation for baby Brown's arrival. I wasn't sure how to feel about it- other than confused. That shop has been my bread and butter, my hobby and my passion for the last 4 years, and stepping back felt completely bizarre. Necessary, but bizarre. Suddenly, I am no longer, "the artist, owner of B is for Brown, purveyor of funky wedding paper goods." I'm just me.
I thought I would be hard pressed to fill my time, but I was quite incorrect about that. There are plenty of last minute things to tackle, lists to make, meals to freeze, a puppy to walk and (ahem) never ending manuscript edits to complete, queries to write and blogs to read, searching for advice for new writers. While these tasks are very distracting and fruitful, they don't leave me with much in the way of a moniker on a personal level. At least, not the way that being a business owner did.
You see, I'm stuck in the land of in-betweens. I'm not a designer (or at least not an active one), but I'm also not fully a mom yet (or at least the kind with a kid on the outside). I'm not a writer (or at least not the published kind), but that's what I want to be. I am... Not at all sure how to decide what I am. Or who I'll be tomorrow. Or in (excuse me while I completely panic) 37 days when this kid is due to come out and change absolutely everything.
Who will I be now?
That thought is either terrifying or completely liberating. Probably both.
Who will I be now?
Ps- You made it through a very wordy post. Here's a belly photo for your trouble: